A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in
 Canada a year or so and, although his English was far from
 perfect, they got on very well.  Until one day he rushed
 into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a
 divorce for him-"very quick".

 LAWYER: Have you any grounds ?

 POLE:   JA, JA, an acre and half and a nice little home
 with 3 bedrooms.

 LAWYER "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

 Pole:  "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," he
 responded.

 LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

 POLE:   "No," he replied, "We have a two-car carport and
         have never really needed one."

 LAWYER "I mean, What are your relations like?"

 POLE:  "All my relations are in Poland."

 LAWYER: "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

 POLE:  "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set ?DVD player
        with 6.1 sound.  We don't necessarily like the
        music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

 LAWYER: No, I mean Does your wife beat you up?

 POLE:   NO, I'm always up before her.

 LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger?

 POLE:   NO, she white.

 LAWYER: WHY do you want this divorce?

 POLE:   SHE going to kill me.

 LAWYER: What makes you think that?

 POLE:   I got proof.

 LAWYER: What kind of proof?

 POLE:   She going to poison me.She buy a bottle at the
         drug store and put on shelf  in bathroom.  I can
         read - it says, "Polish Remover".